💚Welcome to Dear BIO #001, where we turn challenges into opportunities to continue writing your autoBIOgraphy, one story at a time.
Topic: Sometimes Growth Starts with Ordering Pizza
The Question:
I walk around so nervous all the time. I’ve always been introverted. I hate talking to the cashier at the store and get all weird when someone says “Hello” when they walk by. I mean, I can’t even call and order a pizza on the phone because I’m talking to a stranger. I’m tired of feeling this way all the time. What can I do?
A Coaching Perspective:
As an introvert myself, this one hits home! It took me a loooong time to overcome this. I was in my first semester of college and had to take a Public Speaking class. I thought I was going to die, or at the very least, do something foolish that I would never recover from. By the end of the semester, I realized I was okay and I actually enjoyed it. I went on to teach Public Speaking at the college level and do various other things that required speaking in front of others. If you would have told me in high school that I would go on to do that, I would have laughed in your face. I share that because I want you to know that growth is possible. The things that feel impossible today don't have to define you forever, and you realize that because you asked this question. First, it’s important to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you. Being an introvert is a personality trait, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, we can learn skills that help us feel more comfortable in situations that challenge us. Confidence isn't something you wait to feel. It's something you build by keeping small promises to yourself.
The Next Page :
What I’ve learned is if you want to get better, you have to continually get yourself out of your comfort zone. You have two options:
Challenge yourself: If you hate ordering pizza, guess who’s ordering the pizza next time? You! And the next time after that? You !It’s going to feel uncomfortable at first, but discomfort is often where growth begins. The more you do something, the more natural it becomes.
Build your confidence gradually: Take super small steps at a time, but allow it to be something that gets you closer to your goal of ordering pizza. Day 1: Pick up the phone. Day 2: Dial the number but don’t hit send. Day 3: You dial the number but have someone else order it while you’re sitting right there. Day 4: Dial the number, say hello to the person, and hand the phone to someone else. You get the point. Take that at your own pace.
Don’t try to get too ahead of yourself. Celebrate your small wins and talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. You deserve this!
Believe it, Internalize it, & Own it!!
Your Next Chapter: Your story is worth telling. What's one small step you're willing to take this week to help write the next chapter of your autoBIOgraphy?
Share below and let us know your plan or if you can relate to this. We’re all learning from each other :)
💚Welcome to Dear BIO #002, where we turn challenges into opportunities to continue writing your autoBIOgraphy, one story at a time.
Topic: When Moving Forward Feels Like Leaving Them Behind
The Question:
My mom passed away a few months ago, and I feel like everyone expects me to be "doing better" by now. I go to work, take care of what I need to, and smile when people ask how I'm doing, but inside, I feel completely different. Some days I'm okay, and other days, something small will remind me of her, and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with sadness. I feel guilty when I laugh or have a good day, like I'm supposed to be grieving all the time. How do I move forward when I don't want to leave her behind?
A Coaching Perspective:
First, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Grief is one of the most painful experiences we can go through, and I think sometimes people don't know what to say. They may say something with the best intentions, but that doesn't always make it helpful.
You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can help us understand some of the emotions people experience after a loss, grief doesn't follow a specific timeline or a predictable order. You may experience some of these emotions, all of them, or none of them. You may feel several at once. You may feel like you're doing okay one day and find yourself overwhelmed the next.
That's okay.
There is no "right" way to grieve, and there is no deadline for when you're supposed to be "better."
The Next Page:
What I've learned is that grief is incredibly painful, and it's important to give yourself space to feel whatever you're feeling.
If that means locking yourself in the bathroom and crying, do it.
If it means laughing at a funny memory, laugh.
If it means having a day where you don't feel like talking to anyone, that's okay too.
Probably the most important thing I want to say is this:
Today is just today.
Today might be really hard. If it is, give yourself permission to have a hard day. You may be more sensitive. You may need more rest. You may need some space.
You can even tell the people closest to you what you need.
"I'm having a really hard grief day, so I need a little space."
Or...
"I'd really love it if we could just sit here and watch a movie together without talking."
Communicating what you need does two important things:
1. It helps the people around you understand what's going on.
They can't read your mind, and they may otherwise make assumptions about your behavior without knowing what you're experiencing.
2. It helps you establish healthy boundaries.
It's okay to protect your energy while you're grieving.
And remember to take care of yourself. Give yourself time before making major life decisions if you can. Grief can affect how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our future. I know this from personal experience. I once switched careers while grieving, and while I can see value in the work I did, I also recognize that I didn't necessarily need to make such a major change during that time. It was very stressful.
Most importantly, remember this:
Moving forward does not mean leaving someone behind.
You can continue living your life while still loving and missing the person you've lost. You can laugh again. You can have a good day. You can make new memories. None of those things erase the memories you already have.
Your loved one can remain a part of your story, even as you continue writing the next chapter.
Your Next Chapter:
If you're grieving, I hope you give yourself permission to take this one day at a time. You don't have to figure out the rest of your story today.
And if you're struggling, you don't have to go through it alone. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, a support group, or a licensed mental health professional can be an important part of navigating grief.
Your story is still being written. And the love you shared with someone doesn't disappear just because their chapter in your life has changed.
Believe It. Internalize It. Own It. 💚